Was it real?

Was it real
Was it true, did I really love you?
Despite all these years, I don't believe that it was love I experienced with you.
I mean who did I love?
Who is it that I missed?
Most days, I think I created a whole fantasy.
Other times I am positive it was real.
On days like today, it's hard to choose.
Someone once told me, we live our lives forward and learn the lessons backwards.
In my journey, I missed the full scenery.
I ignored the actions that fell outside the fantasy.
I absorbed the passion that fed my "reality".
What I thought was our reality was actually a one-sided tragic fantasy

Describe your first heartbreak with one word or sentence?