Tumbleweeds

A Deserted Dry Desert Town

Have you ever had that period in your life as a single person where your relationship status looks more like deserted dry desert town? Like you can see the tumbleweeds rolling across the ground as you stand in the heat watching the lack of potential suitors around you. No? Nobody? Only me huh? Steupes!!! Well, whatever.

Now don’t get me wrong most days in the year I am a happy single running around chasing my tumbleweeds. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say there are some days in the year, where I wonder if I have a sign that says don’t approach, leave alone that only men see. I am only human, I do want to connect with someone, grow with someone and watch them grow. I look forward to the fun stuff, like flirting with a lover or going out and enjoying each other company or just laughing until we cry, I know all this sounds so Disney. However, I am also willing to take the hard days and see how I fare in them. How I grow and how my mate grows, the path we take as a unit to overcome life's challenges.

Men Just Wanna Have Fun

However, these days, men seem to only want to have fun. Finding a man, a gentleman that wants an honest, faithful, spiritual, loving adult relationship is like looking for that one special needle in a stack of needles. I am not saying these men are not out there but usually, they ain’t single or either their gay. Which in both cases doesn’t help me in any way.

So all I am left with are the ones too busy for a relationship or the ones only looking for fun, whatever the eff that means. Listen some women are into that fun life, more power to them. However, I am to my brim of single eff buddy games. Give me something real for once, give me someone looking for fun in a committed relationship, give me love.

Living La Vida Loca Single 

Now it would be unfair for me to blame the men only. I am pretty comfortable in my single life 80% of the time, I am "Living La Vida Loca" as a single woman. This crazy single life means most days I get up, see about my dog and talk to my friend. An exciting night for me is binge watching a show or a basketball game. I love to immerse myself in my alone time while lying in my bed knowing I ain't got nobody extra to think about.

Truthfully I have also not shown up as a potential mate to a man who's looking for more. Life has thrown me for a loop for a few years now so I know I have chosen this deserted town and have cultivated these tumbleweeds in some circumstance. In all transparency, I have been a complete hermit and have not ventured out much, so I can't expect prince charming to come at my windows looking for me. Nonetheless, even when I was out and about before these life curve balls a ton of suitors were not particularly knocking down the door either.

Loneliness Is Not A Sin 

Despite this, I would admit that my dry spell does get a lot of help. I am not running to put myself out there much since dealing with all that life threw me. I think it something that we as women think we must do, show up perfect for a mate. Show up with no baggage and no real life shit, cause really nobody has time for that. However, honestly if a man is in a real relationship with you, he will have time for that and he will help you through it as you will help him through his real-life situation if you are really committed as well.

I guess the point is, its okay to have these feelings of loneliness, I use to beat up myself in the past when I felt it, but when they show up I simply say hi and release them without judgement. When I keep my perspective on things I realize, although I may feel lonely at times, I am never really alone. My life is at the brim with other very important relationships that I care for. My loneliness is not a sin, it is a human nature emotion and the more I get older the more I become at peace and learn to love the humanness of my life. The so-called imperfections and weakness, that at times we judge for existing create an internal dialogue that adds to ones self-growth.

Being Alone Does Not Equate To Being Lonely

 

Nonetheless, on the days in life where my lack of a potential mate become glaringly obvious to me, I do wonder which came first the lack of potential suitors or my self-imposed single life? and if I will be single forever? That thought, me and my tumbleweeds usually laugh it off and remind lonely lea that there are 7 Billion humans on earth and at least 1 billion will consist of the mate/s I will love in my lifetime.

With that thought in mind, I choose to snuggle deeper into my bed and binge watch another TV series.

Lea