There are no boxes

If my title rings true, then I must be honest with you.I can’t fit my story into the poem I wish to use. So permit me as I am moved to express myself as only I can do.

I don't have a poem for you. I don't know the words that join the sentences to create the tone you should hear. All I have are my thoughts that ramble on. No comma no question mark only thoughts with occasional full stops. Disjointed and stuttered, stalled ruminating thoughts.

I don't have a poem for you. All I have are these words and emotions that slip through my fingers. I get tired of constantly losing them, they are always one step ahead, forcing me to find boxes to capture them. I have to label and store them away neatly, so I won’t be startled when they arrive unexpectedly.

I don't have a poem for you. I have negative thoughts that scream at me. But that’s a usual day, that’s why these thoughts need boxes. Boxes are useful, needed in society.

Except on the days they aren't. Like when I am frazzled and confused by my own brain. When I shun family, friends and even myself. There is no perfect 4x4 box that holds these moments. Instead, I become a fumbling human who can’t keep one thought in her brain. Whose conversations zig and zag as the listener struggle to keep up. A writer who just cannot capture her audience. I don't know where these hurtful thoughts come from, but they plague me until they are all I believe. These thoughts force me to find a perfectly asymmetrical placeholder to define my life, my personality, my hope.

However, the older I get, the more I empathize and realize that no one is walking around with perfectly aligned boxes. Looking for a box to place my every thought, emotion or dream is exhausting. No one box holds the dynamic nature of a human being. Therefore I think of myself as a hummingbird. It doesn't feel like a box. I am not compelled to neatly pack myself away. Think about the hummingbird, its movement and speed. The beauty it offers. Think about its task and the pleasure it brings to others. It's a beautiful creature, whose mission is to fly around enjoying all the exquisite flora and fauna it sees. If I live life through that prism, I am flying with love in my heart no matter where I am. It's a healthy image to cultivate, a kinder one.

I started off thinking that I couldn't write a poem. In the end, once I realised my truth, the words wrote themselves for you I flitter and flutter. I am hard to capture. I follow my own path as I fly My beauty mesmerises you as I glide side to side. When I start my day my purpose cannot be contained. There are no boxes in which to place me. My life flows seamlessly as my heart guides the way.