The Musings of a Romantic
"You’ re a romantic, aren’t you? "he asked, already knowing the answer.I entertained his rhetorical question and responded: "Yes, I am?". His expression of disgust, sadness and piety betrayed his thoughts. It was impossible to withhold the laughter that escaped my lips, soon we both were laughing at his visceral response.After we had settled down he went on to explain why he felt so much emotion towards my answer. He looked at me with sympathy as he explained the heartbreak I would experience from this point of view.
I can’t say that he is wrong. I have been heartbroken. Still, I am proud in some way that heartbreak hasn’t totally removed the part of me that views being love and giving love as something positive. I think having that aspect of myself being taken away after a heartbreak would be too great a loss, altering the fabric of my being. What I didn’t explain to him was that being a romantic does not cause me to live in a bubble when it comes to the complexities of love and loving. Being a romantic fills you with hope and possibility which is hard to get over. If you have no faith to lose in the first place there would be less pain to feel. Maybe for me being a romantic is all about heartbreak, even if it isnâ€™t mine.
I once saw the painful moment when a couples trajectory changed. I don't think they knew that things would have changed so drastically, so quickly. At times we are actively aware of the impact of our life choices. Sometimes that choice happens in a relationship and I was privy to this moment between the two.I tried to make myself smaller as I soon realised the atmosphere had changed and that the moment was a defining one. The conversation that started on the premise of what if ended with them being no more. It was painful to watch them realize what was, what could have been will be no more.
Since then they both have moved on with their lives and no longer speak, but I remember the sadness that crossed their faces when they recognized it was over. In the weeks that followed, they tried to put it back together, but it was useless. They were never at the same time on the same footing. Each time one approached, the other was always guarded and unwilling to open themselves. I think the pain of that vulnerable moment could never really leave their minds. The magic of who they once were had left in that heartbreaking moment, never to return.
Sometimes God locks one door ...
Maybe I am just being overly dramatic and what I saw was not really what it was, but it's a feeling that has stayed with me till today, I can still see their distraught faces. In the years since then, I have seen them circle each other, meeting randomly, and the air still crackled between them. Once God locks something, there is no getting through and only if he desires to open it again does it unlock. I always wonder about the purpose of such relationships, filled with yearning, pain and what if's. Why do they exist? what are they to teach us?
Sometimes he reopens it.
Some may never get the answer but for a lucky few, God reopens the door. Usually when this occurs, the romantic in me cheers like a Carib girl at a cricket match. I have been lucky to witness a few of these beautiful reunions. The couples who reach this part of their journey, come back with peace and wisdom that their time apart granted them. They don’t come as two perfect people without baggage or mistakes but instead as two complex humans finally settled in their skin, two whole humans who know they belong to each other. Theirs is a peace and comfort in being where one knows one has always belonged.
Everything happens for a reason
Seeing two people yearn for and frustratingly miss each other is torturous. I can only imagine the emotions they feel. Maybe they do what others do and busy themselves with work or seek comfort from sex or drugs. Maybe some turn to God and trust his guidance in their life. Others question whether they made the right choice, whether they should risk opening up again. In the end, all we can do is live to give love a chance on another day.Everything happens for a reason, right?.