I SUCK AT BLOGGING
Am i a blogger?
I suck at blogging, wait my therapist will suggest I rephrase that negative self-talk, clears throat , I am great at blogging. OK now that I got that out the way, I can just talk to you and let you know why I think I am a horrible blogger. Drum roll please, this is my first blog for the year. YES, THE YEAR! And I call myself a blogger LMAO (please note this is a sad, self-critical lmao).
Anyway, where was I or right my failure as a blogger, so the first rule of blogging every blogger knows is CONSISTENCY; obviously, I lack in this skill. I know this is not the first time I have ever written any one of these “ hey I am still here and I doubt myself post”, which you can read here. See what I did there I link some past post for you to read…I know how to do that one (pats self on back).
WHY THE DELAY?
So the why? You maybe wondering what kept me from blogging since November 2018 (or not, who knows) well procrastination, a job, Depression, PMDD, suicidal thoughts, leaving a job, freelancing, twitter (yeah I am always across there), overthinking, over correcting and the list goes on and on and on and, well you get the point.
Honestly, I am pretty tired of writing these types of post. I wish after four-plus years of creating content that I would be much further in my journey. I have so much big and small goals for my blog and brand Lovelealyds and it frustrates me. I just not doing the hard work required, yes some stumbling blocks are not always in my control but I know a large part of my blog’s success or lack there off is based on the amount of consistent content I create.
I seriously cannot consider myself a content creator if the last time I created content and shared it with others was last November 2018. In reality, I am more a seasonal writer who owns a website. ( lol I laugh to hide the pain of that statement really )
Why I still create?
What the hell is this post even about besides me wallowing? Well, I think some of us have that one thing we wish we can spend more time with. That thing we love that we don’t give get to enjoy or learn or create or love enough. We become sidetrack, or maybe we talk ourselves out of it because we question our worth. No is this just me? If maybe , it’s not just me, I am going to say to you what I hear every time I think, "Lovelealyds is not essential". I hear a voice say to me,
“the Lord would not put this strong passion and conviction in your heart if it wasn’t tied to your purpose”.
No matter how long I stay away from creating content for my blog and social platforms. I can never really shake the urge to write again. Daily my mind is swirling with idea’s and plans that eventually have to be created or else it nags me incessantly. Eventually I have to produce the idea, sometimes its five months later other times its less. In my heart, the voice always reminds me
"don’t give up, you are on the right path. Stay the course no matter how lost you feel, I will guide you"
Thus, I keep writing, all the ideas and words that come to me. I tuck away all the pictures and visions I can’t shake like a hoarder. My poor Evernote app is overflowing with all the words yet to be shared. Nonetheless, somewhere in my soul, underneath the horrible self-talk, past the imperfect human and deep doubts, my passion and purpose refuse to die I have plans for lovelealyds, but when (wo)man plans God laughs. So, I have no idea where lovelealyds will actually end up, but I know I am almost obsessively compelled to see it through. That’s why after 5 months of nothing I am here, no matter how much my life may try to douse its fire, the compulsive urge to keep going never leaves me.
Thus, every time the thought “What the hell am I doing, I SUCK AT BLOGGING” comes to mind. A kind and loving voice reinforces these words to me.
"Leanne, don't diminish your flame. The desire you have to create this platform burns bright. Follow through. God placed it there for a reason.”
In the end, we all are trying to give the vision for our life the love it deserves. Therefore I pray, you to learn to pay attention to your guiding voice and allow your passion and purpose to hold its place in your life despite the fear, stumbling blocks, negative self talk and doubts.
Go be amazing!!!
Let me know in the comments below how long it took you to start doing something you loved again?